Daily Trump Damage Report 2/3/17
A massacre is invented to sell a ban on religious minorities, psychotics get improved access to guns, Jews intentionally removed from Holocaust messaging, and a prayer for better ratings for the Terminator. Brace yourself for the Daily Trump Damage Report for February 3rd, 2017.
• Trump Minister of Propaganda, Kellyanne Conway invents a brutal mass murder in the way of the Bowling Green Massacre.
• Voters think that everything Trump is doing is wrong, according to a Public Policy Polling report with some remarkably revealing details. Also, according to Trumpists, George Soros is paying people to protest.
• Trump seeks to undo Dodd-Frank laws put in place to prevent another 2008-style economic collapse.
• Debutante pyramid scheme heiress and clueless political roadkill Betsy DeVos moves forward to a vote for Educayshun Secruhtari.
• Trump’s winter palace, Mar-a-Lago, expected to cost taxpayers $3 million dollars.
• Trump expressly removed mention of Jews in the Holocaust statement they made.
• Trump thinks he can endure more pain than you.
• Trump’s personal flag flies on a military convoy.
• House GOP expected to repeal law banning guns for psychotics. Trump will sign.
• House GOP eliminates requirements that oil companies disclose payments to foreign governments as CEO of Exxon-Mobile takes over the State Department. Trump will sign.
• South Park can no longer parody Donald Trump because satire has become reality.
• Trump, who was helped by Russia during the election, has the Treasury Department ease sanctions placed on Russia.
• Trump attends a prayer breakfast. It goes exactly how you think it went.
• Trump lied to us about his health. By quite a bit.
• Trump dials up war rhetoric against Iran.
You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire, you build egos the size of cathedrals, fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse, grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god, and where can you go from there? And as we’re scrambling from one deal to the next, who’s got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, and even the bees honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity. And it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There’s no chance to think, to prepare. It’s buy futures, sell futures, when there is no future!
-John Milton, Devil’s Advocate