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How to Shake Trump’s Hand

How to Shake Trump’s Hand

You’ve likely seen the awkward handshake between Trump and the Prime Minister of Japan by now.  The unusual, cringe-inducing moment arrived courtesy of the way in which Donald Trump thinks one should shake hands with another person.  Additional research on the subject has revealed that Trump performs this jerking, awkward handshake with everyone he shakes hands with, and the video footage bears this out.

To wit, it is critical that any leaders of the world, dignitaries, or prominent individuals who have the opportunity to shake Trump’s hand and experience this handshake in-person respond appropriately to what is an attempt by the orange menace to intimidate using techniques a 5th grader might employ.  A few tips for anyone expecting to shake Trump’s hand.

  1. Ensure that you reach his wrist with your index finger, as you go in for the handshake.  This will help align your knuckles appropriately to resist the awkward jerking and/or crushing. Connect the web between your index finger and thumb with the web between his index finger and thumb, and wrap your hand around the “bottom of the heel” of his hand.
  2. If he offers you his hand with his palm face-down for a handshake, step forward on your left foot as you take his hand. Step forward with your right leg and into his personal space.  At that point, you can cross your left leg across your right leg to assume control of the grip.
  3. Trump places his hand on your hand during a handshake to adjust and confirm the positioning. Do it before he does it, and pat his hand as you re-align to ensure his hand is palm facing upwards.
  4. If you really want to skip the awkward and put him off his game, grab his hand from the top and shake his by the wrist, and follow-up with a double-hander.
  5. On the off chance that you fail on all of these accounts and Trump has your hand by the fingers, close your other hand around his wrist and squeeze.
  6. Instead of handshaking, offer him a fist bump. He will not know what to do.
  7. Instead of letting him offer a handshake, offer him one first, with your palm facing downward and a forward thrust. As he takes your hand, connect the webbing between your index finger and thumb with his, hit his wrist with the tip of your index finger, and pull to close the distance.  Do so first, as Trump clearly shows no hesitation in doing this to others.

Special Note: We have excluded any mention of crushing or using undue force in recommendations for shaking Trump’s hand.  18 U.S. Code, Section 879 prohibits threatening to willfully inflict bodily harm upon the personage of the President or former Presidents of the United States. While reciprocating the crushing, awkward, alpha-wannabe handshake of Trump may or may not fall under the purview of Section 879, it is better to be safe than sorry and err on the side of caution.

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