Trump Damage Report 2/22/2017
Demonic rallies, pee policy, expectations of planlessness, atomic pot, and the Trump’s prayer – all this and more in your daily Trump Damage Report for February 22nd, 2017. Duck and cover, friends.
• Radio storyteller Garrison Keillor dutifully dismantles Trump’s id in the name of the god by presenting the Lord’s Prayer and the Beatitudes, in Trumpese. Blessed are the winners. Big league.
• The biggest policy fight taking place inside the Trump administration at current is where people should be allowed to pee. Trump and his cabinet are expending significant effort focusing on who exactly should be peeing where. Right now, Pyramid Scheme Heiress DeVos and Ominous Banjo Music Sessions are at loggerheads over the nation’s potty-time matters. Very few comments have been made
• Abstract concept of falsehood wrapped in semi-warm flesh, Trump media spokesperson Kellyanne Conway has effectively been sidelined for making statements counter to what Trump has said.
• Trump’s campaign staff offer pointers to administration aides as to how to keep the idiot-in-chief off of Twitter. It apparently involves telling him he’s a good boy. A very good boy. Who did well, bigly? You did well. Yes you did. Oh yes you did.
• Congressional Republicans don’t expect Trump to offer an actual health care plan, or an actual tax plan. On this, we agree with the Congressional Republicans. And if he does put something up, it is going to be as hilarious as it is malicious.
• Scott “Hexxus (R-Ferngully)” Pruitt was a full-on coordinator with and for the largest polluters in our nation and now leads the EPA thanks to Trump. He fought to keep water safe from clean water regulation, air free to choose what kinds of carcinogens it could associate with, and opportunities for his home state to experience a mild 4,000% increase in earthquakes due to fracking.
• Republican Congresscritter and person currently ignoring treason to Russia by Trump cabinet members, Trent Franks (R-Az) is deeply concerned about nukes being smuggled in bales of marijuana over the border. His focus is on what he maintains is a porous border along our southern states, as opposed to a porous executive branch that our intelligence agencies are no longer trusting with information.
• Trump’s national security aide Sebastian Gorka is a low-class person unbelievably unqualified and out of his league, according to Business Insider, as well as professionals who have encountered him. We consider ourselves fortunate that Obama got bin Laden.
• According to one pastor, demonic activity was palpable at the Trump rally in Melbourne, Florida. The pastor goes at length to describe the crescendo of hate, the religious-like fervor and zealousness of those attending the rally. “There was palpable fear in the room. There was thick anger and vengeance. He was counting on it. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that it would not have taken very much for him to have called this group of people into some kind of riotous reaction.”