Trump Damage Report 2/28/2017
Blaming generals, couching lies, High Priest of Trumpianity, BAT tax, Dubya doubles-down, punishing budgets, and black lives don’t matter to DOJ, but they’ve had great choices in colleges says the DOE. This and more in your daily Trump Damage Report for February 28th, 2017. Make it stop.
• Trump Attorney General Jeff “Ominous Banjo Music” Sessions feels that there have been just too many investigations in police murdering unarmed black people in the United States. Therefore, he’s insisting that his Department of Justice scale back all investigations into whether or not cops are murdering citizens for funsies.
• The Klan Keebler went on to let us know that marijuana is super dangerous, and the Huffington Post reports that he opened the door on a possible major crackdown on nonviolent recreational users of pot.
• Nancy Pelosi, who never has to worry about losing an election thanks to her super-safe San Francisco district and has historically had no problem ignoring staggering Democratic losses under her leadership, says that there will be no “You lie!” moment during Trump’s address to Congress later tonight. Pelosi appears to believe that one can beat Trump by “out-classing” him. She is wrong. We strongly recommend Congressional representatives bring water balloons filled with cat urine to the chamber, and lob them indiscreetly at the Idiot-in-Chief. Trump’s supporters and enablers are not concerned about class, and Hitler’s advocates were not deeply concerned with decorum within the beer halls they gathered in either.
• The Mother of Lies, Deceiver to the World, Mediatrix of Sculpted Reality Construct and White House Spokesmonster Kellyanne Conway put her feet on a couch today. The Washington Post reports that no one should care. No one should care. This person who has been the gibbering mouthpiece of untruth mis-positions her feet is the least of our republic’s concern.
• The more fierce half of the Senate Mean Girls troupe, the incomparable Miss Lindsay Graham (R – Sleepy town of South Carolina with a lot of secrets), tells us that Trump’s budget proposal is dead on arrival. You go, girl.
• That Trump budget being referenced is one that recommends a gargantuan 37% cut to the State Department and foreign aid. Foreign aid is the thing the United States does to help provide clean water, critical healthcare, and emergency assistance to developing countries. We spend a fraction of a percentage of the national budget on this, and aid buys us goodwill in areas where terrorists would normally find easy recruits otherwise. A candy bar is less expensive than a tank, and is less likely to result in flag-draped coffins.
• Trump has blamed the death of the SEAL on the disastrous mission he green lit on the military. The Feckless Coward in Chief said this: “This was a mission that was started before I got here. This was something they wanted to do. They came to me, they explained what they wanted to do – the generals – who are very respected, my generals are the most respected that we’ve had in many decades, I believe. And they lost Ryan.” The mission had been in the planning stages under Obama. Obama never approved it, because it was risky and irresponsible to do so. We emphatically encourage Trump to also blame his future failures on the military.
• Trump is signing an executive order to make your water less clean. He is directing EPA Director Scott “Hexxus” Pruitt to begin rolling back the Waters of the United States regulations, which inconvenience large chemical corporations and polluters who have been unable to directly deposit their waste byproducts in rivers and lakes. Stock in CLX, the owner of Brita water filters, rose by more than a full quarter of a point.
• The High Priest of Trump is not President Bannon. It is not Spicey Boy. It isn’t Spokesshrew Kellyanne. The ardent believer in and the direct vessel for the faith of Trump is invested in the person of Stephen Miller. Bloomberg covers the zealous and fervent evangelism of Miller in an exhaustive piece today. Miller says in the piece – “I’m prepared to go on any show, anywhere, anytime, and repeat it, and say the president of the United States is correct. One. Hundred. Percent.”
• A national retail industry group has created a fun ad that will run during SNL to poke fun of the BAT tax Trump has proposed “to make Mexico pay for it.” The ad employs infomercial style explanation for the proposed trade war precipitating idiocy from our moron administration.
• Now grateful that he is already considered the second worst President in US History, George W. Bush condemns Trump. “I don’t like the racism and name-calling” he says during an interview about the animated, expired Orange Julius now in charge of the executive branch of government. We agree with Dubya. We’d like him back. In fact, we’d be fine with Cheney at this point.
• Twitler then goes on to say that Obama has been organizing protests. He hasn’t been. Neither Obama nor Hillary nor any major national elected or previously elected Democrat is organizing protests. We wish they were, but they are not. The protests are taking place organically, aided by organizational guides online found at Indivisible and other grassroots outlets. (Technically, Our Revolution, Bernie’s organizing apparatus, has been helping to direct protest efforts in many locations. OFA and HFA have been silent.)
• Trump Sekruhtarry of Edgejukayshn and Pyramid Scheme Heiress Betsy DeVos cites black colleges as “real pioneers when it comes to school choice.” The airheaded zillionaire was not aware that historically black colleges and universities were set up to provide higher education for black people who were not able to attend schools due to Jim Crow era segregation.
• Stay tuned later this evening for ongoing coverage and commentary as Trump delivers his rambling teleprompter-driven screed to Congress in what we expect will contain no fewer than 17 direct references to actual literal nationalism and the initial establishment of a dictatorship.
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Above all, and as always, stay vigilant.