Trump Damage Report – 5/28/2017
Booker balks impeachment talks, 8th graders pass on Ryan photo, collusion extrusion, a wild Rinkus appears!, Twitler leaks, antonyms for “integrity”, unworried about intelligence circumvention, America’s pending superpower status, handshake post-mortem, ethics promises, and How to Trump your Life. All this and more in your daily Trump Damage Report for Sunday, May 28th, 2017. The low energy administration.
- NSA Chief has admitted that Donald Trump has colluded with Russia, Observer reports.
- Do you know who Heather Rinkus is? She’s the Mar-a-Lago employee who did the government work for Trump’s first big boy international trip, BuzzFeed reports. Does she work privately for Trump, or is she a federal employee? The answer is: sure.
- Twitler tweets that many leaks are “fabricated lies” made up by “fake news” media, The Hill reports. Which is why he’s trying so very hard to crush the leaks, and prosecute leakers. We should punish the leakers brutally, he says – oh, and all the leaks aren’t true. The biggest leaker, historically, of critical information has thus far been Trump.
- The Trump National Golf Club Coat of Arms previously said “Integrity”, and now it says “Trump”, The New York Times reports. No word as to why the change of the word to its antonym.
- Trump’s Secretary of Defense warns that a conflict with North Korea would be “catastrophic”, The Hill reports. It remains to be seen as to whether or not Trump will be reading the article, or reviewing the quote. He is not reading daily intelligence briefings, and those that do brief Trump struggle to keep his extremely limited, child-like attention.
- Former CIA Director says “Now we know” why Trump people talking to the Russians were unmasked, Business Insider reports. Simply put, because they were trying to bypass the United States national security and intelligence apparatus to communicate with Russia. Why? We’ll find out.
- McMaster should step down as NSA Adviser to Trump, as containment and serving as the only adult in the room is not working, Politico reports in an op-ed.
- McMaster is “not concerned” Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kusher attempted to clandestinely communicate with the Kremlin by circumventing American intelligence, Politico reports.
- Resist fake news, even in instances where it confirms your bias. Reports of Trump not listening in to a speech in Italian because he wasn’t wearing headphones is false. He did shove NATO leaders, rode a golf cart when they walked, violently shook hands, and was generally a rude, pompous ass – but he was (theoretically) listening.
- The Washington Post put together a nice guide on what the pins and medals Trump’s Homeland Security pick Sheriff David Clarke is wearing happen to be. The tackle box is a somewhat overblown set of pins arranged to make the unhinged authoritarian appear like a decorated general from a banana republic.
- Has Trump kept his ethics promises?, NPR asks. Oh goodness, no. Not in the least.
- French President Emmanuel Macron says his long handshake with Trump was not so innocent, Politico reports. Macron crushed Trump’s hand pre-emptively in an attempt to avoid the orange menace’s god awful ape-grip. Like Justin Trudeau and other heads of state who have learned that Trump is a mouth-breathing cretin that thinks it’s fun or necessary to crush another man’s hand when shaking hands, he took action to prevent it. If you ever have the opportunity to shake Trump’s hand, please use our guide on How to Shake Trump’s Hand.
- After meeting with Trump at NATO, Angela Merkel says that Germany can no longer rely on Trump’s America, “We Europeans must take our destiny into our own hands”, The Independent reports. Friends, it is worth noting that it is possible America may no longer be a superpower by the end of Trump’s administration.
- Nixon’s ghost pays a visit to Trumpster in the latest Simpsons short, Rolling Stone reports.
- Trump didn’t have a single news conference while on his big boy trip abroad, The Washington Post reports. He didn’t affirm Article 5 to NATO to protect our allies if they are attacked by Russia. He was abrasive with the Pope, submissive with the Saudis, penned a yearbook-style quote at the Holocaust memorial in Israel, skipped events due to exhaustion, passed on addressing the Israeli parliament for fear of heckling, and got hand-slapped by Melania more than once. A home run, really.
- The Trump administration caption of a photo at the NATO summit omits the same-sex spouse of Luxembourg’s gay prime minister, The Guardian reports.
- Fox News publishes a guide on how to “Trump Your Life”, and emulate the syphilitic brain-farts of our Snowflake-in-Chief. Here they are, synthesized: 1. Don’t let anyone tell you you aren’t qualified: you can be great at brain surgery if you just give it a try. Dive in! 2. Don’t mimic your competitors; mock them or call them low energy. If your audience is filled with inhumane ghouls, they’ll eat it up. 3. Let yourself wallow in privilege, and constantly assert how manly, violent, and aggressive you are even if it borders on the criminal. 4. Assume people will find you horrific, because you are – take delight in the idea that you anger and enrage decent people and have lowered the bar. 5. Point at any black people or minorities that show up to support you, even if you’ve paid them. 6. Humiliate anyone you beat through technicalities, and try to be as much of a sore winner as possible.
- Senator Cory Booker says “I’m not going to rush impeachment”, Politico reports. The pharmaceutical lobby immediately called him, after which he said “Actually, I think it’s time to impeach.” After which the financial services lobby called him, which lead to him subsequently issuing a correction; “In fact, perhaps now is not the best time.” Later that day, Senator Booker insisted that he “feels strongly whatever it is we happen to personally feel, just like that. Please like me. Booker 2020.”
- 8th grade students refuse to take a photo with Trump lapdog Paul Ryan because they don’t like him, Mashable reports. Considering the latest budget proposals gutting food safety and healthcare for children, it’s tough to blame them.
TAXPAYER COST FOR TRUMP’S LIFESTYLE TO DATE, AS OF MAY 28TH, 2017: $147,764,571.64
Above all, and as always, stay vigilant.